Remember Tamagotchis?

If you never experienced playing with these pocket-sized digital toys when you were a kid, you might remember your child or younger sibling playing with them. In a nutshell, they were small, handheld devices with screens that showed the users’ personal virtual pet. If you fed, cleaned up after, and cared for your digital Fido, it grew to be happy, healthy, and well-trained. Simple enough, right?

The catch was that Tamagotchis were needy. If you were in school and also keeping up with your Tamagotchi, you might come home to a (digital) mess or a hungry pet, and that was after only a few hours unattended. Tamagotchis were notorious for demanding consistent attention from their owners and always raising the alarm (literally) when their needs were not met. That’s part of what made them such addicting toys!

The reason for bringing up this relic is that they might have been our – or our children’s – first lesson in responsibility and ownership. The little virtual pets could also teach us a thing or two about asking for what we need when we need it. Tamagotchis were far from shy in letting us know exactly what they needed with their high-pitched beeps and on-screen meters.

Imagine how much simpler life would be if we acted in this way – instead of complaining, criticizing, and growing resentful of both ourselves and others, we would simply ask for what we need. Whenever our fulfillment, development, or feedback meters became low, we could freely ask for help rather than stewing in unexpressed emotions.

I explore this concept in my upcoming book, Your Life is Not a To-Do List: Tools for a More Joyful Entrepreneurial Journey, where I outline my favorite tips/tools for making the most of your business, career, and lifestyle. Continue reading for a sneak peek into one of my favorite mindset tools, which involves simply asking your way into a fulfilling, joyful life.

 

Here are 5 Mindsets That Help You Ask for What You Need

 

1. Ask Yourself

When an irritation, frustration, or annoyance creeps up on you, instead of harboring resentment, complaining, and criticizing others, try first asking yourself, “what do I need?” This small step of self-reflection will help you pinpoint the source of the issue so that you can better decide your next steps.

The answer could be a number of things. Maybe you need your counterparts to contribute more work, your boss to give you more direction, a leader to streamline a process, or even colleagues to be more mindful of your workload. Whatever it is that you need, identify it rather than just letting the unmet need manifest as frustration.

Next, you’ll need to ask yourself who can help meet your needs. Be sure to be honest with yourself in this step. Too often we depend on our relationships with people whom we already trust rather than approaching the person who can actually fix our problems. Remember the goal is to quell an unmet need rather than to seek consolation or sympathy.

 

2. Be Brave

This is usually where most people retreat to safety and begin complaining or criticizing rather than thoughtfully expressing their needs. Vulnerability and asking for help can be scary, but this is the time to be brave and go for it!

Remember that limiting beliefs hold us back from asking for help. Thoughts like, “if I can’t do it myself, I don’t need it,” or, “I should be able to handle it on my own,” keep us from pushing past our comfort zones and sabotage our opportunity to build relationships and trust.

Instead of stewing in suppressed emotions, do yourself a favor, be brave and ask for help. See what happens. You will likely find yourself surprised by how warm and open the response is.

 

3. You Have Nothing to Lose

Let’s say you ask for what you need from the right person who can help you, but they say no…so, what?

If you need something that you are not able to get on your own, then you truly have nothing to lose in asking for it. Asking for a raise is a prime example of this. The worst that can happen when you ask for a raise is your manager says no, but then you still have the same salary. No harm done. The best that can happen is that your manager says yes, and you get exactly what you need.

Next time you need something, ask yourself, “what is the worst that can happen?” If the worst case scenario is someone saying no, you know that you have nothing to lose in asking.

 

4. Help Them Help You

Can you remember a time when someone came to you in an honest state of vulnerability, asked you for help, and you responded with an eye-roll and reluctant action? My guess is probably not.

The reason you likely wouldn’t have a negative response is that when others ask us for help, it can feel extremely flattering. Not only do we get to feel helpful, fulfilled, and important, but we also feel trusted and get to build a connection with another person.

Why should it be any different when you ask for help? By asking for what you need, you can help the person you are asking feel like a superhero while you get your needs met. It’s a win-win situation.

 

5. Understand the Response

If you ask for help and the response is not what you expected, not all is lost. Keep in mind that rejection is just helping to point you in the right direction. Now that you know the answer is no or this other person can’t help you, you are much more able to find another avenue to get your needs met.

Plus, you successfully identified a need, proactively asked for help, and were brave in your vulnerability. Good for you! These steps are something to be proud of even if the results were not as expected.